10 Reasons It's Time to Come Home From India

1. The heels of your feet are so dry and cracked that you are afraid that no amount of pedicures will ever heal them
2. Your thighs are like muscular beams from squatting over the Indian toilet with bout after bout of explosive diarrhea
3. You have learned to successfully haggle down prices from street venders in Hindi
4. When people say something is spicy you wonder which item they are talking about, because everything tastes pretty bland to you
5. After 5 months of taking a bucket bath with a plastic stool you realize there is a working shower in the bathroom that Akbar has known about all along
6. You dream of crackers, cheese and your blue sweat pants
7. You have shopped so much that you feel you already have something very similar to every piece of jewelry you come across
8. You are fed up with your job and boss
9. You have struggled to adjust to the heat, and then realize that summer is just starting, and what you have experienced so far cannot compare to what will happen over the next 5 months
10. You have a ticket to return in 14 days!!!